Mother of God

Transcript of a conversation with my mom today.

Mom: How are things going? Everything good with the apartment?

Me: No. I've got to get out of there...! It gets way too hot in the summers.

Mom: But it's got such a nice view.

Me: I know...

Mom: You're not gonna find another lake like that.

Me: But it's already getting uncomfortable and it's only May. Then comes June. Then July...!

Mom: I know.

Me: Then August!

Mom: But if you get a house and you try to keep it as cold as you like it, you're going to have a really big electric bill.

Me: It'll be worth it to have a cool place to live for once.

Mom: Our electric bill was $500 one time. We decided t wasn't worth it.

Me: At least you had a taste though. I'd like to have a cool place and then weight the costs myself. It's the only thing I care about. Just having a cool place to live.

Mom: Your last place wasn't cool?

Me: Nope. And neither was the one before that. You know me. I just don't like the heat.

Mom: Then you better make sure you go to heaven.

*silence*

Me: What?

Mom: Talk about heat! (laughs)

Me: That's a weird thing to say.

Mom: I know, but it's true. (laughs)

Me: I'm going to tell my friends that I told you I wanted a cool place to live and you told me I better not go to hell.

Mom: It's gonna be really hot down there! (laughs)

Me: Okay, well, I better get back to work.

Mom: Okay, love you.

Me: Love you too.

--F

GM: "Winner"

First, let me say that it’s not that I DON’T believe in the recession, but I do subscribe to the theory that believing in the recession perpetuates the recession. In the same way that wearing a t-shirt that says “loser” makes you a loser. Oddly enough, this phenomenon only seems to work in the one direction. Wearing a “winner” t-shirt also makes you a loser, though to a much lesser degree, since it’s possible you’re playing the irony angle. The problem there is, if you’re wearing the “winner shirt” ironically, that means you actually think you’re a loser which takes us back to square one.

There’s a tricky relationship that exists between proclamation and manifestation. It’s not direct causality, obviously, because wearing a “sex god” t-shirt significantly decreases one’s chance of having the sex; while wearing a “bi-curious” significantly increases your chance of having some gay sex.

Therefore, based on the complexity and uncertainty involved, one really has to be careful what kind of message one sends into the universe.

As you may have heard, GM announced that they’re closing the door on the Saturn brand in 2011. Obviously, in the face of oblivion, they expected sales might just take a dip, since buying a Saturn now somehow feels like investing in an HD-DVD collection.

To combat this perception, Saturn’s PR and marketing departments put their heads together and took a shot at an ad campaign aimed at setting the record straight. Something bold and grandiose that sets the doubtful at ease, energizes the car-buying public, but doesn’t quite don a proverbial “sex god” t-shirt.

But at the same time, they don’t seem to want to make any claims they can’t back up. The result…

“We’re still here.”

Well played, GM. Way to take a stand.

Unless, of course, you mean it ironically…

--F